The Style Invitational Week 851 Going to the
shrink -- 'downsize' a movie title
Saturday, January 9, 2010
"The Bearable Tightness of
Boeing": An accountant hunkers down with his laptop on the 737 to
Albuquerque and really doesn't feel all that uncomfortable.
"The Medium-Size Lebowski": A
cult film about duckpin bowling."
In this era of downsizing and
the momentary fad of at least pretending to live more modestly, Loser Stephen
Gold of The Invitational's Glasgow Bureau suggests this contest:
"Downsize" the
title of a book, movie or play to make it smaller or less momentous and
describe it, as in the examples above. Do us all a favor by checking your title
online to see if it's already a widespread joke, in which case you may inflict
it only upon your loved ones.
Winner gets the Inker, the
official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a doll, that is
supposed to depict Eleanor Roosevelt but we think looks kind of like Adrian
Fenty if the mayor had a shock of gray hair and big gray eyebrows and a fox
pelt around his neck. A non-Loser mailed it to us, pleading for anonymity
because Mrs. R had been a gift to her daughter.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug.
Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser
Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air "freshener"
(Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your
entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is
Monday, Jan. 18. Put "Week 851" in the subject line of your e-mail,
or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone
number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality.
All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited
for taste or content. Results will be published Feb. 6. No purchase required
for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are
not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised
title for next week's results is by Tom Witte; this
week's honorable-mentions subhead was submitted independently by Chris Doyle
and Roy Ashley.
Report from Week 847, in which we asked you to choose a sentence from a Washington Post of
that week and supply a question it might answer: It may be clear from the
results below which handful of people seem to have pored over every last story
in The Post that week, sending literally hundreds of entries.
The winner of the Inker
"All these little
white-haired people around me are standing and I couldn't," she recalled.
When did Snow White finally
realize the need to check herself into rehab? (George Vary, Bethesda)
2. the winner of the bottle
of Beauzeaux wine:
"Because I am committed
to saving lives, saving money and saving Medicare, I am committed to fully
closing it, once and for all."
What New Year's resolution
did Vice President Biden make about his mouth? (Russell Beland, Fairfax)
3. Adjö, Saab.
Can you really type with your
eyes shut? (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)
4. In a few cases, the payoff
from a bust can be huge.
Why did the Miss USA
officials agree to finance Carrie Prejean's surgery? (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Reduced sentences: Honorable mentions
Someone will test your
knowledge, skill or intelligence.
What's the least of your
worries if you want to become a reality TV star? (Tom Kreitzberg, Silver
Spring)
When she was taken down to be
restored in 1993, it took a helicopter to move her.
Is it going to be a lot of
trouble to bring Miss Taylor to the Kennedy Center Honors? (Peter Metrinko,
Gainesville)
I didn't even look
at my watch.
What's faint
praise from your lover? (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
President Hamid Karzai is to
convene a three-day conference on corruption Tuesday.
Where can I attend Rod
Blagojevich's "Tips From the Pros" workshop? (George Vary)
The 11 players and one
substitute were reported missing over the weekend.
Where the heck is the
Redskins' offense? (Jeff Contompasis)
They think they're at the top
of the world.
Just how stupid are penguins?
(Russell Beland)
There is no reason a pancreas
should ever be thrown away.
What's one of the
justifications for funeral home gift shops? (Kevin Dopart)
This is nuts.
What IS this delicious dish
they call Rocky Mountain oysters? (Beverley Sharp, Washington)
"Tough enough to
actually change behavior."
What is the new motto for
Nike golf clubs? (Jeff Hazle, Woodbridge)
"I want to be
official."
Alex Ovechkin, what will you
do when your playing days are over? (Kevin Dopart)
A. One weighs 20
grams and has brown fur.
Q. How do you know
those women over there are fashion models? (Chris Doyle)
The holiday is here, there
isn't much cheer, but at least we're still here.
What verse launched
Hallmark's new line of cards, Refrigeratorbox Greetings? (Lawrence McGuire,
Waldorf)
He pushes the kitchen chair
in.
Does your husband do a lot of
household chores? (Russell Beland)
"We're going to make,
you know, some adjustments and things like that."
What was the detailed plan
that Secretary Geithner put forth to solve the financial crisis? (Michael
Seaton, Bowie)
His parents were separated.
What euphemism did King Louis
XVII use to describe the fate of Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette? (Russell
Beland)
"Whether I win or lose,
I've got to look at myself in the mirror the next day, and a word that's
important to me is integrity."
Why on earth did you get
"integrity" tattooed backward on your forehead? (Russell Beland)
"I can get him in that
range in no time."
What did Hansel hear Gretel
say as she cut a deal with the hungry witch? (Beverley Sharp)
Offer to e-mail her some
photos of other pieces you've done.
What advice would you not
give Tiger Woods on how to reconcile with his wife? (Pete Morelewicz,
Washington)
"I get angry,"
Debbie says.
I hear Debbie's anniversary
is coming up -- what does she usually get? (Russell Beland)
"It's one of those
things that can't hurt."
What are the most common last
words besides "hold my beer"? (Kevin Dopart)
And that is why Democrats
here are steaming.
Ever notice the heat rising
from manure in the winter? (Russ Taylor, Vienna)
And Last:
"We're inventing ways to
lose."
Why do you guys keep sending
in this stupid stuff? (Beverley Sharp)
See more honorable mentions from Week 847 in next
week's column.
Next Week: Up and addin', or Har Extensions
More honorable mentions from Week 847 of The Style
Invitational, in which we asked you to take any sentence from a Washington Post
of that week and supply a question it might answer:
You'll just get a more
expensive blur.
What will I obtain by
purchasing an impressionist painting at Sothebys instead of Wal-Mart? (Kevin
Dopart, Washington)
Imagine outlawing in America
the construction of a particular architectural element because some citizens
perceive it to be culturally undesirable or symbolically threatening.
What first-draft lyrics made
John Lennon realize he needed to write more concisely? (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)
There's a lot of pride in
Warren.
Okay, if it's not vanity, why
does he think that song is about him? (Russell Beland, Fairfax)
There's nothing like a few
good explosions to transcend pesky language barriers.
In a nutshell, what is your
view on diplomacy, Mr. Bin Laden? (Beverley Sharp, Washington)
What kind of accommodations
are you willing to tolerate?
What's the first thing you're
asked at Motel 5? (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)
No one could give
me any answers or assure me that my parents would be covered.
Why did you turn
down the Savings in Loam economy cemetery plots for your parents? (Chris Doyle,
Ponder, Tex.)
That's why a lot of them
don't become sophomores.
Can you believe how
sophomoric these freshmen are? (Russell Beland)
Isolated shower late.
What's the romantic forecast
if I dare tell my wife that her favorite red dress makes her look chunky?
(Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)
The administration and some
of the nation's largest banks have hastened to part company in recent weeks.
Can you think of an example
of that old saying about a fool and his money? (Russell Beland)
With proper
instruction, you'll get the hang of it in no time -- and on your next attempt,
you'll be able to do it entirely on your own.
What was the best
advice Onan ever received? (Chris Doyle)
I'm really worried.
What did Alfred E. Neuman say
about the decline in magazine readership? (Russell Beland)
And Last:
"It's almost like 'Mr.
Smith Goes to Washington,' but Mr. Smith turned out to be somebody that wasn't
Mr. Smith."
What entry arrived a little
too late to win the bad-analogies contest from Week 121? (Russell Beland)